I want to have a way to direct my thoughts, i feel like years go by and i am missing the joy of 'knowing'.
I’ll bet the jews did this.
Write them down. Keeping a diary is a good way to do this, and has the benefit that it records stuff which would otherwise vanish from your brain. But you don't just have to write down your daily doings; you could also devote an entry to thoughts on a particular subject. That really makes neatens up your thoughts about something.
I agree with @ . . . keeping a diary has helped me a lot. When I think back to it, I'm not sure how I ever moved forward with keeping a diary because it's helped me to understand what I'm feeling. I think it's the act of writing your thoughts down, whether on a computer or on pen and paper.
Either way I'd highly recommend keeping one. . . it's not hard to start! And don't think that every entry has to be compelling or well-written. Sometimes I will just write about my day, other times I will spill my heart on the page.
The spacemen are right @ keep a diary if you want to keep the stream of consciousness to your thoughts.
I recommend keeping a daily journal of at least your physical health - it will give you qualitative context for when you're feeling ill, and can make you more mindful of your health in general. I started doing that to isolate and treat my headaches a while ago, and I've been journaling more about my emotions than I ever have
Some days I feel as if I am scarcely here.